Best divorce letter ever

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salty gator
Yaking Monster
Yaking Monster
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Joined: Sat Jan 31, 2009 4:09 pm
Location: Tallahassee

Best divorce letter ever

Post by salty gator » Thu Jul 09, 2015 12:06 pm

Looking for the cheating wife joke I ran across this. Another rip off, but funny


"My Dear husband,

I'm writing this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you. I've been a good wife to you for the last 20 years and have nothing to show for it, and the last 2 weeks have been hell.

Your boss called to tell me that you left your job today which was the last straw. Last week, you came home & you didn't even notice I had a new hairstyle, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new nightie.

You ate in 2 minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching your favorite TV programs.

You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever
the case, I'm gone.

Your ex-wife.

P.S. - Don't try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving to New Zealand together! Have a great life!"

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REPLY:

"Dear ex-wife,

Nothing has made my day happier than receiving your letter.

It's true you and I have been married for 20 years, although a good
woman is a far cry from what you've been.

I watch TV soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and *****ing.

Too bad that doesn't work any more.

I DID notice when you got a new hairdo last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a boy!'

Since my father raised me not to say anything, if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment . . . and when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have got me confused with MY BROTHER because I haven't eaten prawns for 7 years.

About the new nightie: I turned away from you because the $299.99 price tag was still on it, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $300 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out. So when I won the $20 million Lotto, I left my job and bought 2 tickets for us to go to Paris, but when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a penny from me.

So take care.

Your ex-husband, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born Carla.

I hope that's not a problem?"

Read more: http://forums.floridasportsman.com/show ... z3fPnEvoRr
You should have been here yesterday

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